I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
