but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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