My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it was like eating out sand paper
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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