You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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