you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
