p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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