Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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