I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
