dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
