It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
