Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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