she takes plan B like it's going out of style
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
