I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
