Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
