How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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