why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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