How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
