yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
