I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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