the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
