she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
