I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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