i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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