So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
