um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
