I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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