she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
