Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
