never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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