I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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