i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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