I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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