WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
