Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
