mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
