there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
