Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
