i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
