Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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