How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
