so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
