Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
