Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
