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Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
