i just wanna soil my oats bro
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
