Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
