In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
