You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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