You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
