How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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