Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
