I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
